Work Would Be Easier If People Just Did Things My Way

What is it that makes work hard? Why do human dynamics in the workplace challenge us and provoke strong reactions and conflicts that can escalate to divide co-workers, teams and work groups? How can something as simple as different points of view grow into behaviors that can threaten productivity, profitability and the quality of all work outcomes? If people would just do things your way, wouldn’t work be a lot easier?

Relationship Issues at Work

The same competitive spirit and strong focused ideas that may help you achieve success as a businessperson can also sabotage your business and personal relationships. Imagine a group of people working together with each person having very strong ideas and each being convinced that their views are right. This scenario happens frequently in businesses, community groups and families. How can you get beyond the barriers created when individuals are unable to see or consider anything beyond their own ideas?

As I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and businesses, relationships are a frequent topic of discussion. In fact, most of the individuals and groups I work with express some type of concern related to relationships at work, as well as their personal relationships. Their stories vary but common themes about relationship concerns are similar:

  • Leaders want to solve conflicts among teams, individuals or departments.
  • Team members are divided, have a low level of trust, misinterpret each other’s motives, take things personally and compete instead of collaborate.
  • Professionals who rely on their ability to sell products or services want to improve customer relationships for a competitive advantage.
  • Businesses that rely on good customer service want to address the gaps that prevent them from providing the kind of service that keeps customers happy and profits on the upswing.
  • Businesses seek more collaborative efforts to eliminate inefficiencies and improve business outcomes and profits.
  • Manufacturers seek to eliminate errors of judgment that impact the quality of outcomes when workers wage verbal or silent battles against each other, leaders or the company.
  • Small business owners want help in addressing the multiplicity of people issues that require attention when owners take on multiple roles within their company.

Understanding the Problem

If we could look through a magnifying glass to find the source of workplace relationship issues, we might discover that the source of these problems is simpler than it often appears. Yet the majority of businesses overlook the real cause of relationship issues. Although many seek solutions of all types, the remedies are generally temporary and problems persist.

The state of mind of people impacts all relationships and work outcomes. People are not trusting, respecting or listening to each other due to their current state of mind and this impacts relationships and work outcomes. The good news is that when people have a better understanding of how their experience is created internally rather than externally, new insights can create a shift in thinking that allows them to see and experience others in a new way.

Improving Relationships

Here are some simple but powerful strategies to improve relationships at work. Consider the possibilities and experiment with how they can improve the quality of your interactions with others.
  • Slow down and listen
    In these times of focus on change, productivity and profitability, business moves quickly. Relating with others requires slowing down to listen and connect. Listening to the ideas and concerns of others shows that you value and appreciate them as human beings. It provides you with the benefit of their unique experience and perspective. By listening to others, you can hear and understand their point of view even when you don’t agree with it. Listening can be the magic potion that allows you to create amazing outcomes. As a Change Management Consultant, I worked with a team focused on the task of developing common business processes that would improve efficiencies and produce significant savings. The team members had different but related roles in various parts of a Fortune 100 company. When team members began to really listen to each other, understand each other’s challenges and unique business requirements, I observed a visible positive shift in their willingness to consider new ways of conducting business, as well as their ability to work collaboratively as a team. I noticed that when a member of the team was absent during an important meeting, others who were present began to watch out for the business interests of the person absent. Initially each representative in the group had been ready to fight to protect the way they currently conducted business. As they listened and interacted with each other, they began to understand the unique perspective and business requirements for other parts of the organization. Listening was the magic ingredient that allowed them to shift their focus from concern for their business group only to concern for others and the organization as a whole. This significant shift allowed them to become a high performing team that collaborated to create sensible solutions for the good of the entire organization. The business outcomes that resulted when this team listened to each other translated into savings of $70 MM annually.

  • Understand different points of view
    As we look out through our own eyes, our perceptions and viewpoints are the result of our current thinking as well as the experiences and teachings that have conditioned our beliefs and ideas and influenced our life. Others may see a reality that looks very different from ours. Whose reality is right? We each view work and life through the filter of our own thoughts and our own unique point of view. Seeking to understand another’s reality rather than defending your own position allows individuals with very different ideas to work together and seek solutions for the common good. It broadens the potential options we’re each able to consider.

  • Be open to new options
    Instead of trying to convince others that you’re right and they’re wrong, listen for common threads and new possibilities that could emerge. When you are willing to be open to new possibilities, you invite a flow of creative ideas to emerge from within. By reflecting and wondering about the possibilities, you can draw from a reservoir of inner wisdom that allows you to discover the best possible strategy to achieve desired outcomes.

  • Demonstrate respect for all human beings
    Human beings deserve respect even when you disagree with their point of view. “The way” you interact with others, including your level of listening, your language, tone of voice and body language all demonstrate your level of respect. Individuals with different points of view can respectfully honor each other’s right to see situations differently without taking it personally or making the other person wrong.

  • Recognize your connection to others
    Although as individuals we may each have different ideas, strategies and points of view about business, beneath our individual thoughts and ideas, we are each connected as members of the human family. Through DNA studies, science has now proven what many have long believed. All human beings are interconnected. We don’t need to “try” to connect with others, the connection is already there. Slowing down to be fully present and listening to others allows us to experience our connection. This connection is always present even when it’s clouded by disagreements or different points of view. We’re all in this together and when we recognize our connection and work for the common good of everyone, we all benefit.

  • Realize that your experience happens from the inside – out
    It’s easy to blame others for our experience. We’ve all known individuals who spend a large part of their day complaining about their boss, the demands of their work, a change in procedures or what a co-worker said or did. What causes you to be unhappy at work? Is it the person who signs your paycheck, your boss, your administrative assistant, the person you sit next to or the person who got the job you think you deserved? Or, maybe you blame the kids or your spouse because they don’t help out at home. Who is responsible for your experience? Our experience of work and life happens from the inside - out. The way we feel is a direct result of our own thoughts about work and life. I’ve seen many situations where people working along side each other in the same job with the same qualifications and the same boss were asked to make the same type of change in their work. Each individual experiences this change very differently. One may be excited and eager to try something new while another spends most of their time and energy talking about how unhappy they are, how unreasonable their boss is, or simply digs in their heels and resists the change. Each individual’s experience results from their own thoughts about the change. Each of our experiences in work and life happens in this same way --- from the inside - out.

  • Practice humility and forgiveness
    Every individual has idiosyncrasies based upon their particular point of view. In the same moment that you identify someone as the most difficult person in your life, someone else may be identifying you as the most difficult person in their life. We each do the best we can based upon the quality of our own thoughts and our ability to make wise choices in the moment. Someone once said that if you had all of the same life experiences, the same challenges and the same kind of thinking that another has, you would do exactly as they do. Consider that the way others relate to you is more about their thinking than it is about you as a person. Understanding this can help you in not taking things personally. Be willing to forgive others, wipe the slate clean and move forward to the opportunities in each new day. There may be a day when you hope someone will do the same for you.

  • Change what you can and accept the rest
    There are some things we can change and others that we can’t change. We have control over ourselves and our experience of work and life, as well as the way we interact with and respond to situations and people. Beyond that small circle of things we can control is a larger circle that symbolizes our sphere of influence. We each have the ability to influence relationships at work, at home, in our community and in our world. Beyond this is a third much larger circle that symbolizes all of the people and situations we have absolutely no control over. When you are unhappy with a situation at work that you have the power to influence, consider the possibilities and collaborate with others to find solutions. If it’s a situation that you have absolutely no control over, either accept it as it is or find a way to remove yourself from the situation.

  • Bring some quiet into your day
    Allowing regular quiet time to reflect on work and life can help you maintain your own inner balance and to draw on inner resources in considering options and solutions. When you feel peaceful and harmonious within, it has a positive influence on the quality of your work and your interactions with others. From this vantage point, your’re ready to be at your best with customers and coworkers and to help bring out the best in those around you. Quiet can also create space for new ideas and ways of relating to emerge. It can enrich your life as well as the lives of others.

Start Now for a Change of Heart

These are some of the potential ways you can cultivate the kind of harmonious relationships that support peak performance and have a positive impact on the bottom line, as well as your enjoyment of work and life. The possibilities are endless. Perhaps you can use this as a starting point to discover other ways to improve relationships at work. Every person you interact with offers an opportunity to enrich your life and learn from others. Regardless of what your experience of work has been up until now, each day and each moment are new opportunities to see beyond the layers of conditioned thinking you have about other people. You can experience a change of heart at any time simply by seeing the people you work with in a new way. Make a fresh start now by considering the possibilities. Then expand your view to discover that the same relationship principles that help you at work can also enhance your personal relationships.